Getting into the Game

When my oldest son Parker started playing water polo during his freshman year of high school, I was immediately hooked. I went to every one of his games that season. When it ended, a masters team was starting up in Alameda, so I headed to the pool with the ugliest Speedo in history and started swimming with the big boys. I remember my first practice clearly. I jumped in, swam down to the other end of the pool, swam back, and then had to get out because my heart was about to explode. I was not a strong swimmer.

I kept with it and so did my son and then my daughter and then my other daughter and finally my youngest son. I’ve been going to Encinal High School water polo games for eight years now. And I’ve been playing water polo for almost as long.

Two Kinds of Water Polo Parents

There are two kinds of parents at their kids’ water polo games: the parents who have no idea what’s going on and the parents who used to play polo at some point. That first group is just happy to be there. They clap when the ball goes into the net. They drive their kids to and from practice. They’re generally a very pleasant lot.

The second group, however, fosters a little attitude. They have opinions about what’s going on in the pool–and they voice those opinions. I moved quickly from the first group to the second. The more polo I played, the more opinionated I became and the louder I made my opinions known. I was especially frustrated with the referees. I thought so many of them could be doing a better job. I guess I figured yelling at them a little would encourage them to up their game.

Getting My Whistle

One day a few years back, one of the referees at my daughter’s game turned to me and said, “Why don’t you start refereeing?” Maybe I will, I thought to myself. That night I went online to the USA Water Polo website and saw that a referee school was coming up in just two days at UOP in Stockton. I went to the school, I passed the test, I got my whistle and red card, I did my training with the head referee–and I became a water polo referee.

The first thing I discovered about being a referee is that it’s HARD! The game moves quickly and the referees have to be on top of everything that happens in order to maintain the game flow and keep the players safe. The second thing I discovered is that many coaches and many parents (the ones who used to play) didn’t like the job I was doing and would say some pretty mean things. And a lot of times they would hurt my feelings.

Expecting Better Behavior

I’m fairly sure I’ve only issued one red card against a coach in the several years that I’ve been refereeing. It was a long time ago and he really deserved it. But I’m coming to realize that I need to red card more coaches. A lot of them are in the habit of browbeating the referees. It’s bad sportsmanship and it’s bad for the game.

The rules say that the referees are in complete charge of the game. There’s no caveat that says the referees are only in control of the game as long as the coaches think they’re doing a good job. A lot of coaches are under the impression that their disapproval about a particular call or no-call grants them license to behave badly. In the past I’ve ignored the bad behavior, occasionally just giving a verbal warning or a yellow card. That’s changing for me.

Whenever a referee issues a red card during a game, he or she is required to file an online report with USA Water Polo within twenty-four hours. I had always thought the report was lengthy and complicated. A couple months ago, however, I had to complete one for another reason and was surprised to find that it was fairly quick and straightforward.

The upshot? More red cards for badly behaved coaches. And for me? Inner peace.